dubai or not
dubai for three days.. still hesitating whether i should go. $1000+ only ticket.
good and bad
Life now for me is utterly boring.. I had been sleeping eating and still sleeping and eating. Everyday i will wake up at noon (although I am awake by 9, i will voluntary let my body continuing lying on my bed till it’s time). Then i will have my lunch and read my newspapers while watching TV. I will feel bored after that and will take doing my routine exercise. Sometimes i cant be bothered, then i will continue to lie on my bed playing my iphone or daze blankly at nothing. Around 4-5, sometimes shower, sometimes will go down and do my cycle exercise. By six, dinner should be ready on the table, then dinner time. Watch TV till around 10 or 11. Go to my room and sit in front of the computer and surf or most time watch my downloaded movies. This have been my routines for the past few months. There are only times where my routine will be different, on weekends, docs’ appointment or visit my grandma.
Well, the only day i enjoyed most is when i went for my massage. I did the stone therapy, heard it is good for blood circulation. It is just using the hot steaming stone and rub it along the veins. I feel so good after the two hours massage. Before massage, my left knee was still swollen and i know it is because of the blood circulation. During the therapy, she told me my leg is swollen and feel hot, then after that, she ask me to see my knee and it used to be one size bigger and now it is almost the same as my right knee. I was so surprised and amazed. By just during the 2 hrs, it completely swelled down. i tried using the ice packs for months and it didn’t helped much. she also told me my blood was blocked around my ankle, that’s why when i walked, it always felt painful and she also said it was swollen there. she also advised i should go again.. i will… ehhe
then last few days went for my physio session and it is review time (means doctor checkup). I think i met with all the doctors in physio and he is the best. the last few doctors i met, when i tell them about my problems,i.e. where hurts and i cant bend further, they just disregard me and say.. just continue exercise. they also keep saying ‘ by this time after your surgery, you should be fine, should be able to run’. but they should know not everyone’s healing process is the same. they keep saying as if i dont know my progress. who dont want to heal faster.. i already told them i can’t continue further, they din’t do anything, just say keep exercising. there was once i was unable to completely straighten my leg, because i just come back from KK and my legs hurt. they just say…your operation was months ago, you should be able to straighten and bend your leg completely…. stupid… feel like hitting them.
the new one i consult, at least he listened. then he wanted me to try to push my leg further back. so he pressed on my bended knee and i have to pull my lower legs towards me. I really hurts even without me pulling. then by the third try, i pulled and i can feel the rush (just like when you cracked your fingers). it really hurt , cant even move nor straighten my leg, but i know i need to straighten to make it feel better.after that, really feel better. then he gave me a different set of exercise..and he said my hamstrings are still weak after the operation that’s why it hurts sometimes. Now it still hurts,but i just have to do things slower.. how i wish i can recover fully now.. at least now, when i walk, it doesn’t look like i am limping, i can run a bit, but looks a bit weird.
in denial..
I was told to update my blog, but nowadays i really got nothing to to update because i have been sleeping and eating, sleeping and eating. I haven’t been going out much as well, just hibernating at home. only at times when my mom called to ask to go to grandma’s house, going out with aunties, lunches and grocery shopping. Another reason why i would be out would be the time where i will pay my visit to the hospital for my physio rehab. I had been to the physio got 7 times, leg are getting better. but sometimes my mom and I would wonder if my recover would speed up and recover if i was doing all these in Melbourne. Although it will cost a lot, but i think it would be worthwhile. But since i am back in Brunei, might as well put up with all these, at least there are some recoveries, better than nothing. Guess i have to do more exercises to speed it up. Really can feel the inconvenience when doing daily routines.
When i get to my bed, i can climb and jump to my bed. I need to sit down on the edge and push my legs up to get into the bed. i cant run and jump. when i am walking down the stairs, i need to walk like the babies, one step at a time. unlike previously i will just jump and skipped one step. but things are getting better. that was weeks after the surgery. Now, at least i can walk up and down normally but with a little resistance from my knee, i have to move slowly. i won’t write how it was right after the surgery. i will leave that for another day…
what have i been doing lately beside sleeping and eating? something just came up… my stuffs from melbourne had arrived. All 21 boxes.. finally. but the house is too crowded and i have no place to put them to. my room now is full of my mom’s clothes, my previous room is full of my brothers’ stuffs. my old old room is taken over.. my stuffs would just have to stay put inside the boxes for months because we cant do much moving or renovating around the house, just for the baby that is on the way. but at least i could get some out of the way… my keyboard piano, my hi-fi, some clothes.. but i think there are around 10 boxes left.
anyway, will be going to KK soon with the girls.. but i will enjoy it due to my injury.. my mom was having a bad time because my dad actually disapproved of me going when my mom told him. but i bought the ticket and my dad dint say a word to me.. so i just assumed he will let me go..
final decision making
final decision = balik kampung…
finally after few days of deep thoughts and conversation with my bro, i have decided to go back home. i dont know what came across my mind, i just told my mom i want to go back, maybe because most of my friends here and gone back to their home country, starting to feel the loneliness here.
a friend asked me whether i was sad when i told my mom. honestly, i wasn’t, i was quite excited.. my mom asked me to go back either November or December. but suddenly i just asked her why now Aug, Sept or Oct…hm… but then there is a lot i need to settle here. all my goods at home.. in the afternoon i went through my place and realised that i have to sell almost all of the stuffs here. now typing this in my living room, looking across, i think i am going to miss this home. when i first came to this apartment, it was empty. then i decorated this place on my own, moved everything from the old house to this empty place on my own.. bought the new bed, bed frame, kitchen utensils and everything on my own.. this is my home already.. for the past few years i have been living in this place, my comfortable zone… where i sleep and eat most of my time..when i go back home, it is still home, not just a different feeling. everything when i talked to my mom about home, most of them i will be talking about my melbourne home.. coz i started everything from scratch..
my god, i think when i go back,I will definitely miss this place and my privacy where i can do whatever i want here with no disturbance.. no need fight over the TV control, and many others..
